I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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