i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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