Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
you never un-have a 4some
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
