I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
