dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
