Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Randomize
