We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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