ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
