hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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