Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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