Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
