May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize