A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The adults are the big ones right?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
