Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
