No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
