Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
