Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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