One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
