At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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