I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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