just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
