I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
