i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
