I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
