Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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