You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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