I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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