my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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