I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize