We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
