K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
