Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
