Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
