smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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