That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
