I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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