You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
