I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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