Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
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