I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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