i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
