I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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