My pussy is not your playground.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize