I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
