dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
