a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
