I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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