In the future we'll all be gay
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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