So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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