I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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