I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize