I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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