Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Randomize
