I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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