But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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