i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
