just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
