Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize