Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
