I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
