i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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