Three words: puerto rican gang bang
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
