i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
