dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
