Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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