I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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