Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
