No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
