I looked at my own cervix.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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