i was rollin on her like bob the builder
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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